*This article is satirical*

For a school that’s held a C+ in diversity on Niche.com for thirty straight years, despite only existing for twenty, hope and improvement is on the way. A new study on CHS club activity during the 2019-2020 revealed that despite males only making up 48% of the student population, they comprise 80% of the leadership positions in extracurriculars and clubs. 

Senior Britney Germanotta of Freehold, who served as a President of SkillsUSA this year, recognizes the privilege she has a majority in the school and is glad the male population at CHS has been able to make strides. 

“I realize that a lot has been handed to me. For example, I’m so lucky that I get the opportunity to have to vigorously campaign for positions, tailor my reputation or try really hard to get my teachers to like me or think I’m funny,” she acknowledged. 

“Meanwhile, a lot of guys just get respect-profiled immediately and don’t have to put in the work. I feel so bad, like, they’ve got to be super bored and lonely,” she said. 

The Inkblot was unable to reach any male student leaders for comment, but if you look through any of our old issues or online coverage, they’ll probably be quoted twice per page. 

MCVSD Administrator Frank Sprouse expressed an overwhelming sense of pride about the study, saying he hasn’t felt so happy since the school ranked #2 in NJ.com’s 50 Best NJ High Schools in 2018. Yeah guys, It Still Matters. 

“I’m so proud of CHS for setting such an important milestone,” he said. “There’s still a lot of struggles we need to overcome – JSA and CCC switched to fully female councils next year, a majority-female SGA is on the horizon – but I think if we keep pushing, we can really succeed.”  

Regardless of these future obstacles, Sprouse said that even the numbers don’t always back CHS up, the school’s spirit will always find a way to shine through.

“Even if our numbers drop or we don’t get all we want, I believe in us,” Sprouse said. “Even if our boys don’t always get elected into the leadership positions, we’ll nonetheless make sure to give them all the attention.”